LESSON ONE: ACCEPTING ME... ACCEPTING YOU

One of the most important aspect of a human being is his/her relatedness to others. we call it as intersubjectivity or being with OTHERS. another philosophical perspective is our emotional aspect which is our ability to experience life deeply, to relate to one another and the world on a feeling level. It's the part of us that seeks meaningful contact and connection with others.

Developing the emotional level of our being allows us to feel the full range of the human experience (with the five senses), and find fulfillment in our relationships with ourselves and each other.

one manifestation of this relation to others is accepting OTHERS AND THEIR DIFFERENCES.

Acceptance in human Links to an external site. psychology is a person's assent to the reality of a situation, recognizing a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it or protest it. The concept is close in meaning to acquiescence, derived from the Latin acquiēscere (to find rest in)

ACCEPTING ME...

Though related, self-acceptance is not the same as self-esteem. Whereas self-esteem refers specifically to how valuable, or worthwhile, we see ourselves, self-acceptance alludes to a far more global affirmation of self. When we're self-accepting, we're able to embrace all facets of ourselves—not just the positive, more "esteem-able" parts. As such, self-acceptance is unconditional, free of any qualification.
We can recognize our weaknesses or limitations, but this awareness in no way interferes with our ability to fully accept ourselves.
accepting oneself means realizing that you are a inique human being. you have the ability to make a difference in your LIFE and the LIVES of others....

How Do We Become More Self-Accepting?

Cultivating Self-Compassion, Letting Go of Guilt Links to an external site., and Learning to Forgive Ourselves

- Accepting ourselves unconditionally would have been almost automatic had our parents conveyed a predominantly positive message about us—and we grew up in a generally supportive environment. But if that wasn't the case, we need on our own to learn how to "certify" ourselves, to validate our essential OK-ness.
  - And I'm hardly suggesting that independently confirming ourselves has anything to do with becoming complacent, only that we get over our habit of constantly judging ourselves.
- If deep within us we're ever to experience, as our normal state of being, personal fulfillment and peace of mind, we must first rise to the challenge of complete, unqualified self-acceptance.

THE POSITIVE SIDE OF ME

A positive person focuses on what's good in their life, finds joy in the simple things, and takes the general attitude that while there are lots of things they can't directly control, they can control what they choose to focus on.
Positive people can inspire and influence others to reframe and to think about things differently. They can be infectious in a good way.

The Effect of being Positive in LIFE

Most people enjoy the company of a positive person. Without being pushy, a positive person can challenge individuals to focus on what they can control. Most positive people know that life isn't perfect.
There are ups and downs, but to enjoy the ups it's important to be aware of and acknowledge them. The general attitude of positive folks is that there's more good than bad in life, and you doesn't need to be perfect to enjoy it.

Phenomenology of Love by Manuel Dy

“One is loved, because one is loved. No reason is needed for loving”
- Paulo Coelho (The Alchemist)

The experience of love begins from the experience of loneliness. The experience of loneliness is basically a human experience.
Loneliness ends when one finds or is found by another in what we call a loving encounter. (Love at first sight)

The LOVING ENCOUNTER is a meeting of persons. The meeting of persons is not simply bumping into each other, nor is it simply an exchange of pleasant remarks, though these could be embodiments of a deeper meeting. The deeper meeting here in love happens when two persons or more who are free to be themselves choose to share themselves. Love is a CHOICE. Loving is a DECISION.

“Love is more than a feeling, it’s a choice”.

THE APPEAL OF THE OTHER is not his corporeal or spiritual attractive qualities.

I can conceptualize the other into a list of beautiful qualities (which I myself may lack) but they can only at best give rise to enamoredness, a desire to be with the other.

But once the qualities cease to be attractive, love also ceases. Love is more than mere infatuation, more than mere liking such and such qualities of the other. The other person is more than his qualities, more than what I can conceptualize of him. And love is the experience of this depth and mystery of the other and the firm will to be with her.

Nor is the appeal of the other an explicit request.

The appeal of the other is herself. The other in her otherness is herself a request. The appeal of the other is the call to participate in her subjectivity, to be with and for her.

Because of you, I understand the meaninglessness of my egoism. Perhaps, I am not meant to be alone, perhaps I can only be truly myself with you.

WHAT THEN IS MY REPLY?

Since the appeal of the other is not his quality or an explicit request, it follows that my response cannot be an outpouring of my qualities to the other or the satisfaction of his request.

Compatibility is not necessarily love. Neither is submission necessarily love. Sometimes refusing the request of the other may be the only way of loving the person in a situation, if satisfying it would bring harm to the person.

If the appeal of the other is herself, then the appropriate response of that appeal is MYSELF.

His appeal then to me means an invitation to will his subjectivity, to consent, accept, support and share his freedom. Love means willing the other’s free self-realization, his destiny, his happiness. When I love the other, I am saying “I want you to become what you want to be, I want you to realize your happiness freely.”

THE CREATIVITY OF LOVE

Madaling maging tao sa pagmamahal. Subalit mahirap ang pagpapakatao sa pagmamahal.

Love is creative. Love creates a new person, either in myself or in the other. Each of us is created, molded and remolded by those who loves us. But it is difficult and takes time to get to know the real person, the person behind the “mascara” (mask). We often appear what we are not.

- When a “guy” is courting a girl, he always has his best foot forward; but once married, the “real guy surfaces”.
Love is full of surprises or can be a real eye opener.
Love creates a new “you” – this is the “you-for-whom-I-care” which cannot be discovered by scientific inquiry.
This new you can only be discovered by one who loves.

Love is becoming. Love is the acceptance of the other as the other makes the other “become.” By love I create a new meaning for the other. But love is reciprocal. In making the other “be”, he also makes me “be”. An appeal of love from another makes me discover a new “me”, who I really am and who I can become. We “see” ourselves better in others; they mirror the real me. What I am and the meaning of my life depends very much on others. We need one another to become human, to become “new persons”. People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.

Love gives meaning. Up to the point of our lives, others (parents, family, teachers, classmates, friends) have given meaning to our lives. We begin to love when we begin to give meaning to the lives of others. This is what it means “to be loved”, to “become” a new person. What does the other make me when he loves me? He simply makes me “become”; he gives meaning to my life.

Love creates a unity. Love creates a new “you” and “I” – a “we”. The other makes me authentically myself and I make the other authentically the other. What a boring and dull world this would be, if everybody was like me. The “we” that is created in love is the union of persons and their worlds.